Catch-Up

I didn't do too well at keeping record of the last year.  So little seemed to happen it didn't seem interesting enough. But reflecting back now reminds me so much was learnt, I should have kept a record for the future. In short, everyone came home safely.  Kids came out of it the other end less effected than previous tours. Yet again I was reminded why my husband is so precious to me and how much we all worship each other. And I was proud of myself single parenting with strength and humour. 

Friendships and bonds were formed that demonstrated how women will support each other in times of need. I have met some special people who will always be part of my future because of the shared experience of living with the unit whilst it was deployed. Unfortunately some friendships did not stand the test of such intimate living conditions.  A sad and depressing truth that no one likes to admit.  When you are thrust together during such an emotionally charged situation true personalities come to the fore. I've realised I am not everyones cup of tea and being insatiably optimistic and happy is quite annoying.  It is a trait i find hard to suppress.

Socially I like to abide by the unwritten rules of good behaviour, accommodating others and to be inclusive of all. Not everyone has the ability to function in a group with people so unlike themselves.  I've learnt not to push this. Who is the mug?  Myself for smiling politely, trying to please all whilst constantly trying to get everyone to be friends or those who wish to do as they please regardless of how other people will be offended?  I've also learnt not to judge, perception of someones life or how they wish to portray themselves is often a little distorted. You might not like who you meet if they let you in - equally nor they you. 
My parents have aged in a year. Illness and hospital trips seemed to be regular adventure.  It's hard to be involved or know the truth when we are so far away. The balance seems to have shifted dramatically.  I feel like my own parents dealing with my grandparents when I was in my teens. Family and old friends are now at the forefront of my attention. I am looking forward to being back in the fold when we move closer, hopefully in the next months.

I also experienced something that questioned my perception on life; it's fragility, how easy it is to loose life, to witness that is an abrupt wake up call.  It tends to put into perspective everyday endeavours that we allow to shatter our existence through worry and stress. It also made me realise I am not as resilient as i always imagined. I was shocked to experience anxiety attacks and nervousness.  I made myself worse by worrying over the previously mentioned break down in a friendship whilst trying to support others also struggling and throughout all trying not to show weakness.  Ultimately everyone has a limit as to what they can witness and experience, I met mine. Thankfully the anxiety abated when my rock of a husband returned in one piece, although I fear I will be haunted for a while.  My family will be cherished and loved unquestionably and i can only hope we all make it through safely and with smiles.