Each week seems to bring another parent with a new illness, an old one ravishing further, a slip in sanity, fall or predicament. The incidents seem worse as information is drip fed to me via long telephone calls often after the major incident has finished, results been received or issues amended. I am then helpless even though my location makes me helpless anyway. Understandably when in the throws of a problem it is not your first thought to phone everyone and tell them about it, especially for the pre-social networking parents. The problem is dealt with as best can be and afterwards those not present to help will be informed, if it hasn't already been forgotten or in recent times over taken by the next crisis.
We are currently a generation who loves to share our inner thoughts and experiences through status updates, blogs, texts. We like to share our movements and emotions with as many people who will listen or follow. This has become such a norm that when you don't know someone is going through something personal, something they wish to keep private, they appear aloof, rude, disjointed, introverted even. Obviously I am a 'sharer'. If I'm asked how I am, you will get an honest reply, although socially it was not asked to really find out your mental and physical well being. I do honestly believe I ask how people are or what they've been up to because I care and I'm interested but perhaps I'm just nosey!
Thursday, 9 February 2012
'By Land, By Sea, By God I'm Essence'
Spent the morning beasting myself in the gym and saw the above slogan on a t-shirt. It amused me a great deal. I was surrounded by these super fit blokes (some essence and some not) but it made me feel very proud. The slogan actually epitomises why these lads are above average and are, in fact, essence regardless of looks. The standard qualities of strength, courage, fitness and stamina are married with a sense of humour, optimism and honour that gives an edge of charisma which is so special.
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
Catch-Up
I didn't do too well at keeping record of the last year. So little seemed to happen it didn't seem interesting enough. But reflecting back now reminds me so much was learnt, I should have kept a record for the future. In short, everyone came home safely. Kids came out of it the other end less effected than previous tours. Yet again I was reminded why my husband is so precious to me and how much we all worship each other. And I was proud of myself single parenting with strength and humour.
Friendships and bonds were formed that demonstrated how women will support each other in times of need. I have met some special people who will always be part of my future because of the shared experience of living with the unit whilst it was deployed. Unfortunately some friendships did not stand the test of such intimate living conditions. A sad and depressing truth that no one likes to admit. When you are thrust together during such an emotionally charged situation true personalities come to the fore. I've realised I am not everyones cup of tea and being insatiably optimistic and happy is quite annoying. It is a trait i find hard to suppress.
Socially I like to abide by the unwritten rules of good behaviour, accommodating others and to be inclusive of all. Not everyone has the ability to function in a group with people so unlike themselves. I've learnt not to push this. Who is the mug? Myself for smiling politely, trying to please all whilst constantly trying to get everyone to be friends or those who wish to do as they please regardless of how other people will be offended? I've also learnt not to judge, perception of someones life or how they wish to portray themselves is often a little distorted. You might not like who you meet if they let you in - equally nor they you.
My parents have aged in a year. Illness and hospital trips seemed to be regular adventure. It's hard to be involved or know the truth when we are so far away. The balance seems to have shifted dramatically. I feel like my own parents dealing with my grandparents when I was in my teens. Family and old friends are now at the forefront of my attention. I am looking forward to being back in the fold when we move closer, hopefully in the next months.
I also experienced something that questioned my perception on life; it's fragility, how easy it is to loose life, to witness that is an abrupt wake up call. It tends to put into perspective everyday endeavours that we allow to shatter our existence through worry and stress. It also made me realise I am not as resilient as i always imagined. I was shocked to experience anxiety attacks and nervousness. I made myself worse by worrying over the previously mentioned break down in a friendship whilst trying to support others also struggling and throughout all trying not to show weakness. Ultimately everyone has a limit as to what they can witness and experience, I met mine. Thankfully the anxiety abated when my rock of a husband returned in one piece, although I fear I will be haunted for a while. My family will be cherished and loved unquestionably and i can only hope we all make it through safely and with smiles.
Friendships and bonds were formed that demonstrated how women will support each other in times of need. I have met some special people who will always be part of my future because of the shared experience of living with the unit whilst it was deployed. Unfortunately some friendships did not stand the test of such intimate living conditions. A sad and depressing truth that no one likes to admit. When you are thrust together during such an emotionally charged situation true personalities come to the fore. I've realised I am not everyones cup of tea and being insatiably optimistic and happy is quite annoying. It is a trait i find hard to suppress.
Socially I like to abide by the unwritten rules of good behaviour, accommodating others and to be inclusive of all. Not everyone has the ability to function in a group with people so unlike themselves. I've learnt not to push this. Who is the mug? Myself for smiling politely, trying to please all whilst constantly trying to get everyone to be friends or those who wish to do as they please regardless of how other people will be offended? I've also learnt not to judge, perception of someones life or how they wish to portray themselves is often a little distorted. You might not like who you meet if they let you in - equally nor they you.
My parents have aged in a year. Illness and hospital trips seemed to be regular adventure. It's hard to be involved or know the truth when we are so far away. The balance seems to have shifted dramatically. I feel like my own parents dealing with my grandparents when I was in my teens. Family and old friends are now at the forefront of my attention. I am looking forward to being back in the fold when we move closer, hopefully in the next months.
I also experienced something that questioned my perception on life; it's fragility, how easy it is to loose life, to witness that is an abrupt wake up call. It tends to put into perspective everyday endeavours that we allow to shatter our existence through worry and stress. It also made me realise I am not as resilient as i always imagined. I was shocked to experience anxiety attacks and nervousness. I made myself worse by worrying over the previously mentioned break down in a friendship whilst trying to support others also struggling and throughout all trying not to show weakness. Ultimately everyone has a limit as to what they can witness and experience, I met mine. Thankfully the anxiety abated when my rock of a husband returned in one piece, although I fear I will be haunted for a while. My family will be cherished and loved unquestionably and i can only hope we all make it through safely and with smiles.
Friday, 18 February 2011
Pre-deployment
We're in the last few weeks now. Pre-deployment is hard. For the adults it can be a really difficult time. The leaving process seems to be very drawn out causing a state of extreme unrest. It just needs to be over. They've been away a lot on essential pre-deployment training. You want them gone so you can crack on, proving to yourself that you can cope and, more importantly, start counting down rather than counting up. For them, minds on the impending job, they try to contain the excitement and nerves but they just want to get out there and just get stuck in. Bickering can start as emotions are so charged. And then suddenly they are gone and you regret all the missed opportunities you could have spent with them in the last few weeks.
The kids though, they don't know any of this. They don't know how they are suppose to feel in these last few weeks. Do they even know it is the last few weeks? They are both used to Daddy being away but a while ago Daddy left in the new camouflage uniform with all his gear. It shocked me how much it effected T. It was painful to watch a 5 year old go through so much emotional pain that it became physical. He said 'My heart is cracking coz Daddy isn't here...what if Daddy falls out my heart?...I'm Daddy sick, that's what happens to boys whose Daddy's are away'. But worse of all, he stood at the back door trying to be brave through his whole body tears whilst waiving Daddy off saying 'have a good day at work Daddy'. He was awake in the night crying and was sick.
It seemed that the sudden shock of him leaving in uniform surprised him. He is normally 'ok' with Daddy being away. So we decided to prewarn them a little bit. W, who is 3 and is very chilled out and laid back, appears unaffected. Until he starts wetting himself with a regularity that is no accident or wakes up at 5am demanding to be 'nuggled', his word for a cuddle. We told him Daddy was going away for a long time, quite a few sleeps and might not be back for his birthday. He was going to the desert to help people. We do live on the base so they are fully away of guns, tanks, Commando's, a lot of things that other boys their age are not even imaging. So W's reply was 'and to kill bad people'. No flies on him, although lets hope they don't get close enough for any killing to take place. But there was no tears, just a cuddle.
T was yet again struck down and broken. Through shattering tears he asked questions about bomb proof pants, body armour, bombs, rockets, limbs lost and anything else he has picked up in our last 2 years living amongst it. He proclaimed his love, how he will not be able to be happy if Daddy isn't there, that he'll try but he won't be able to smile. His final crushing statement was 'what if you get shot in the neck'.
The kids though, they don't know any of this. They don't know how they are suppose to feel in these last few weeks. Do they even know it is the last few weeks? They are both used to Daddy being away but a while ago Daddy left in the new camouflage uniform with all his gear. It shocked me how much it effected T. It was painful to watch a 5 year old go through so much emotional pain that it became physical. He said 'My heart is cracking coz Daddy isn't here...what if Daddy falls out my heart?...I'm Daddy sick, that's what happens to boys whose Daddy's are away'. But worse of all, he stood at the back door trying to be brave through his whole body tears whilst waiving Daddy off saying 'have a good day at work Daddy'. He was awake in the night crying and was sick.
It seemed that the sudden shock of him leaving in uniform surprised him. He is normally 'ok' with Daddy being away. So we decided to prewarn them a little bit. W, who is 3 and is very chilled out and laid back, appears unaffected. Until he starts wetting himself with a regularity that is no accident or wakes up at 5am demanding to be 'nuggled', his word for a cuddle. We told him Daddy was going away for a long time, quite a few sleeps and might not be back for his birthday. He was going to the desert to help people. We do live on the base so they are fully away of guns, tanks, Commando's, a lot of things that other boys their age are not even imaging. So W's reply was 'and to kill bad people'. No flies on him, although lets hope they don't get close enough for any killing to take place. But there was no tears, just a cuddle.
T was yet again struck down and broken. Through shattering tears he asked questions about bomb proof pants, body armour, bombs, rockets, limbs lost and anything else he has picked up in our last 2 years living amongst it. He proclaimed his love, how he will not be able to be happy if Daddy isn't there, that he'll try but he won't be able to smile. His final crushing statement was 'what if you get shot in the neck'.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)